Wordie: Professor von schmartzenpanz: Comments

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 12:09:00 +0000

*thinking*

Comment by mollusque, about 1 year ago

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:59:01 +0000

Mollusks don't have nipples, therefore either Professor von Schmartzenpanz is a mollusk, or mollusks are androids.

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 18:14:15 +0000

For a fascinating update on nipples, see press here for a random word. You can't make this stuff up.

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 18:12:48 +0000

Mollusque, that is a delightful sentence all by itself and should have its own page.

Comment by mollusque, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 17:41:25 +0000

For mollusks, the presence or absence of an umbilicus is crucial.

Comment by chained_bear, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:37:35 +0000

Of course. You can tell that from the title.

Comment by yarb, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:30:53 +0000

I think this page was predestined to become a discussion of Brent Spiner's nipps.

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:28:33 +0000

*trying desperately not to think about Brent Spiner's nipples*

Comment by chained_bear, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 14:59:33 +0000

You must be speaking of his alter-ego, Brent Spiner.... Say, do you think they took off his nipples or covered them up when they put on that yellow skin for him to be Data?

*thinking about Brent Spiner's nipples*

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:03:51 +0000

C_b, I hate to tell you this, but he doesn't even have that pasty skin in real life. Or else he'd just returned from a tropical vacation when I saw him on that talk show....

Comment by chained_bear, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 12:39:13 +0000

Mollusque, are you telling me that Data on Star Trek doesn't have nipples?! *brokenhearted*

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 12:34:34 +0000

Mollusque, you're downright poetic about male nipples.

Palooka, he showed you those photos??

Comment by sionnach, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 04:23:42 +0000

Teufelsbrustwarzen!

The vile von Schmartzenpanz is intercepting my cupcakes by impaling them on his filthy breast-warts!!

Comment by palooka, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:59:28 +0000

Had to go to http://phrontistery.info/a.html to learn what anomphalous meant. What a vocabulary mollusque has.

Comment by Prolagus, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 03:47:12 +0000

There's something magic in reading a mollusk's thoughts about an anomphalous being.

Comment by mollusque, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:32:23 +0000

Palooka, that makes him an android. Is he anomphalous as well as immammate?

Comment by chained_bear, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 02:25:53 +0000

OK, then he's not only not a male, but he's also not a primate. MEN HAVE NIPPLES.

Comment by palooka, about 1 year ago

Wed, 02 Apr 2008 01:27:44 +0000

Prof von Schmartzenpanz is definitely male because he doesn't have nipples. I've seen photos of his chest.

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 22:29:41 +0000

Yes, but how many of them can you collect on that pointy head at one time? *lobs another*

Comment by sionnach, about 1 year ago

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 22:04:00 +0000

Since I am nothing if not a pointy-headed intellectual, attempts to bounce cupcakes, or any other type of baked goods, off my head are doomed to fail.

Mmmmm. Maraschino cherries. Yum!

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:05:13 +0000

Really. Such cheek.

Comment by chained_bear, about 1 year ago

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 12:42:16 +0000

Duffel van der Pinkenhosen was actually the sworn enemy of von Schmartzenpanz. Bilby, how could you say that name?

Comment by bilby, about 1 year ago

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 12:10:44 +0000

You're getting him mixed up with Duffel van der Pinkenhosen.

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 11:55:53 +0000

*bounces a cupcake off sionnach's head*

Chained_bear, where did you hear the rumor about Professor von Schmartzenpanz having sexual reassignment surgery? Geez, some stories just take on lives of their own....

Comment by sionnach, about 1 year ago

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 02:32:28 +0000

I'm perfectly willing to believe that Prof von Schmartzenpanz's criticism is right there on the protean, spine-tinglingly transgressive cusp of post-feminist hermeneutic deconstructivist theory, but you guys really need to get the story straight (so to speak).

Which is it - born and intrinsically hypermasculine, as reesetee would have us believe, or shapeshifting sexual reassignment surgery?

Reesetee: I assume that last sentence in your most recent comment was really supposed to read:

"We know the guy, and he's DeMan." Teehee!

(OK: I'm going to run away and hide now)

Comment by chained_bear, about 1 year ago

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 01:55:15 +0000

Also, sionnach may be forgetting, or perhaps wasn't aware, that Professor von Schmartzenpanz has had sexual reassignment surgery. That's why the accent was missing over the E (née). It also kind of explains his exceedingly postmodern feminism.

(*still trying*)

Comment by reesetee, about 1 year ago

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 01:47:48 +0000

Yes, but supposing npydyuan made a typographical error (which I believe is what actually happened). If you check the chaordic page, which was created before this one, you'll see that the professor clearly is a male.

Besides, we know the guy. He's all man, Clyde.

Comment by sionnach, about 1 year ago

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:48:04 +0000

Sorry, c_b. I must respectfully differ. Regardless of the backstory, if nee was used to refer to the perfessor, than at that time the perfessor in question would have to have been female. Otherwise, the male form of the adjective, ne, would have been used.

Comment by chained_bear, about 1 year ago

Mon, 31 Mar 2008 00:40:47 +0000

Au contraire, sionnach. I think that 'nee' in this case refers to the Professor's bachelor name. He was Schmartzenpanz enough to object to the millennia-old institutional objectification of women as sexual slave labor by changing his name to his wife's (Dr. von Schmartzenpanz happens to be the Dean of Faculty). ;)

Comment by sionnach, about 1 year ago

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 21:57:39 +0000

It would appear that the good Professor has a little of that Loki shapeshifter magic that we expect to see in all our academic superstars. As the designation "nee von Smarty Pants" clearly indicates, von Smarty Pants was female. However, it appears that the masculinity of Professor von Schmartzenpanz is unquestioned. Was the apparent sex-change coincident with the name-change?

Comment by reesetee, over 2 years ago

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 19:48:53 +0000

Chained_bear, click on npydyuan's chaordic reference below for more jocularity. :-)

Comment by chained_bear, over 2 years ago

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 18:57:09 +0000

Oh. My. Gosh. This is my favorite page, like, ever.

Comment by reesetee, over 2 years ago

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 18:14:07 +0000

Thank you, npydyuan. I needed the reminder. :-)

Comment by npydyuan, over 2 years ago

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 17:44:07 +0000

Noted chaordic theoretician (nee von Smarty Pants). In later life, advanced lame-ass theory of the non-existence of adjectives; arguing that an adjective is really an adverb modifying an implied verb of existence. The theory rested on some dumb-ass idea that the conventional distinction between "existence" and other "actions" is artificial and misleading; that all verbs are, in their purest state, expressions, like everything else, of pure energy.