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professor von schmartzenpanz

noun
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about 1 year ago reesetee said:

*thinking*

about 1 year ago mollusque said:

Mollusks don't have nipples, therefore either Professor von Schmartzenpanz is a mollusk, or mollusks are androids.

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

For a fascinating update on nipples, see press here for a random word. You can't make this stuff up.

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

Mollusque, that is a delightful sentence all by itself and should have its own page.

about 1 year ago mollusque said:

For mollusks, the presence or absence of an umbilicus is crucial.

about 1 year ago chained_bear said:

Of course. You can tell that from the title.

about 1 year ago yarb said:

I think this page was predestined to become a discussion of Brent Spiner's nipps.

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

*trying desperately not to think about Brent Spiner's nipples*

about 1 year ago chained_bear said:

You must be speaking of his alter-ego, Brent Spiner.... Say, do you think they took off his nipples or covered them up when they put on that yellow skin for him to be Data?

*thinking about Brent Spiner's nipples*

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

C_b, I hate to tell you this, but he doesn't even have that pasty skin in real life. Or else he'd just returned from a tropical vacation when I saw him on that talk show....

about 1 year ago chained_bear said:

Mollusque, are you telling me that Data on Star Trek doesn't have nipples?! *brokenhearted*

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

Mollusque, you're downright poetic about male nipples.

Palooka, he showed you those photos??

about 1 year ago sionnach said:

Teufelsbrustwarzen!

The vile von Schmartzenpanz is intercepting my cupcakes by impaling them on his filthy breast-warts!!

about 1 year ago palooka said:

Had to go to http://phrontistery.info/a.html to learn what anomphalous meant. What a vocabulary mollusque has.

about 1 year ago Prolagus said:

There's something magic in reading a mollusk's thoughts about an anomphalous being.

about 1 year ago mollusque said:

Palooka, that makes him an android. Is he anomphalous as well as immammate?

about 1 year ago chained_bear said:

OK, then he's not only not a male, but he's also not a primate. MEN HAVE NIPPLES.

about 1 year ago palooka said:

Prof von Schmartzenpanz is definitely male because he doesn't have nipples. I've seen photos of his chest.

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

Yes, but how many of them can you collect on that pointy head at one time? *lobs another*

about 1 year ago sionnach said:

Since I am nothing if not a pointy-headed intellectual, attempts to bounce cupcakes, or any other type of baked goods, off my head are doomed to fail.

Mmmmm. Maraschino cherries. Yum!

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

Really. Such cheek.

about 1 year ago chained_bear said:

Duffel van der Pinkenhosen was actually the sworn enemy of von Schmartzenpanz. Bilby, how could you say that name?

about 1 year ago bilby said:

You're getting him mixed up with Duffel van der Pinkenhosen.

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

*bounces a cupcake off sionnach's head*

Chained_bear, where did you hear the rumor about Professor von Schmartzenpanz having sexual reassignment surgery? Geez, some stories just take on lives of their own....

about 1 year ago sionnach said:

I'm perfectly willing to believe that Prof von Schmartzenpanz's criticism is right there on the protean, spine-tinglingly transgressive cusp of post-feminist hermeneutic deconstructivist theory, but you guys really need to get the story straight (so to speak).

Which is it - born and intrinsically hypermasculine, as reesetee would have us believe, or shapeshifting sexual reassignment surgery?

Reesetee: I assume that last sentence in your most recent comment was really supposed to read:

"We know the guy, and he's DeMan." Teehee!

(OK: I'm going to run away and hide now)

about 1 year ago chained_bear said:

Also, sionnach may be forgetting, or perhaps wasn't aware, that Professor von Schmartzenpanz has had sexual reassignment surgery. That's why the accent was missing over the E (née). It also kind of explains his exceedingly postmodern feminism.

(*still trying*)

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

Yes, but supposing npydyuan made a typographical error (which I believe is what actually happened). If you check the chaordic page, which was created before this one, you'll see that the professor clearly is a male.

Besides, we know the guy. He's all man, Clyde.

about 1 year ago sionnach said:

Sorry, c_b. I must respectfully differ. Regardless of the backstory, if nee was used to refer to the perfessor, than at that time the perfessor in question would have to have been female. Otherwise, the male form of the adjective, ne, would have been used.

about 1 year ago chained_bear said:

Au contraire, sionnach. I think that 'nee' in this case refers to the Professor's bachelor name. He was Schmartzenpanz enough to object to the millennia-old institutional objectification of women as sexual slave labor by changing his name to his wife's (Dr. von Schmartzenpanz happens to be the Dean of Faculty). ;)

about 1 year ago sionnach said:

It would appear that the good Professor has a little of that Loki shapeshifter magic that we expect to see in all our academic superstars. As the designation "nee von Smarty Pants" clearly indicates, von Smarty Pants was female. However, it appears that the masculinity of Professor von Schmartzenpanz is unquestioned. Was the apparent sex-change coincident with the name-change?

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

Chained_bear, click on npydyuan's chaordic reference below for more jocularity. :-)

about 1 year ago chained_bear said:

Oh. My. Gosh. This is my favorite page, like, ever.

about 1 year ago reesetee said:

Thank you, npydyuan. I needed the reminder. :-)

about 1 year ago npydyuan said:

Noted chaordic theoretician (nee von Smarty Pants). In later life, advanced lame-ass theory of the non-existence of adjectives; arguing that an adjective is really an adverb modifying an implied verb of existence. The theory rested on some dumb-ass idea that the conventional distinction between "existence" and other "actions" is artificial and misleading; that all verbs are, in their purest state, expressions, like everything else, of pure energy.

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